I learned a new word today and I may never get over it. At first, even after reading an involved description of what manscaping entailed, I still didn’t get the connection. It was a scotoma I’m sure, my mind insisting that there must a version of the word to apply to the other sex (not to limit it to only two): femscape, perhaps. But it didn’t take too long before I realized that the analog was landscape and with this knowledge I knew just where I was going to need a retaining wall.
If you haven’t been exposed to manscaping, it involves the war on body hair which I read is close to declaring female pubic hair extinct. An article at The Daily Beast offers this explanation of manscaping:
“The modern manscaped man is a product of today’s post-mextrosexual society, where even the alpha male indulges in spa treatments and $50 Diesel boxer briefs.”
This brings many things to mind. First, is “mextrosexual” even a word? Second, what if you are the omega man and not the alpha male? And finally, how much do you have to pay for lower octane underwear?
I remember that as a youth I couldn’t wait for those early instances of body hair: naked pubes were for babies and a hairy chest attracted the babes. Now I’m not a very hairy guy and I can understand a certain aversion to those men who might be said to wear a fur coat year-round but I have a hard time even contemplating shaving my chest, stomach, or naughty bits (being an ex-bicyclist, shaving the legs is okay). It strikes me that this excessive and unnatural hygienic technique is not universally practiced around the globe. For some reason, I just can’t imagine an Afghan terrorist stopping to whack off his pubic hair with a sharp rock and a skinning knife. But what seems especially strange is the inconsistency. If a guy needs to shave his privates to be acceptable to women, then why does he grow a mustache and often a beard. And what about the three-day growth look that seems to be so popular. I would suspect that kissing a bearded gent would result in a few scratchy hairs in the mouth too … what’s the difference?
Now that I think of it, I had my Ricky dogscaped when he went to the vet’s to get fixed and I know they shave “down there” to treat lice infestation. I’m sorry, but if I run into someone who has been manscaped, I’m afraid I will jump to conclusion and assume he had crabs … or was fixed.