We have finally uncovered a sound and imperative reason to bomb Iran: how dare they outlaw the quintessential symbol of Western Civilization, the Barbie Doll!
Back in the 1960s my younger sister got one of the original Barbie dolls, complete with the black and white striped one-piece bathing suit. My family could come up with the $3 for the doll but as far as all those fashion clothes that kept coming out, they had to wait until my mother or my aunt sewed a reasonable facsimile (although since mother was highly skilled with the crochet hook, Barbies in our house tended to wear bulky clothes that probably were better suited for Minneapolis than for San Diego).
Of course since I was the first-born male in the family all I remember was BOOBS!
Over the years the attitude toward Barbie dolls has changed. First it was a sign that a young girl was growing up and no longer content to play with Betsy Wetsy: she’s old enough for a fashion doll now. Then it became one of the great toys to suck the savings from parents that couldn’t say “No” to their kids (or worse, relived their own childhood through their kids). At some time Barbie Doll, once a desirable appellation, became a derogatory term alongside Mickey Mouse and Skeezix. Every strip club across America had a blonde performer going under the name “Barbie Doll.”
This negative attitude to the look of the Barbie doll soon turned ugly and professionals preying on little girls with esteem problems single out the overly-endowed Barbie as the cause of much of the unhappiness and angst. Then on the other side of the sex-fence, all us guys that remembered Barbie’s assets were disappointed whenever confronted by real girls. We wanted BOOBS!
One anomaly, however, was the lack of any detail between Barbie’s legs. This didn’t bother us too much back then since all the men’s magazines, like Playboy, didn’t show anything between a woman’s legs either so we were relatively uninformed until we got our driver’s licenses and began frequenting the Drive-Ins.
How can a mere toy which made thousands if not millions of young girls happy also be the cause of so much unhappiness and confusion? Now that I think about it, maybe those folks in Iran have a good point. I do, however, consider it unnecessary to stone a six-year old girl to death for playing with a Barbie doll. Maybe the Iranian police can glue a traditional burqa on any Barbie doll they find, a burqa with extra material to hide those BOOBS!