Movies That Destroyed Art

National ReviewFor so many years I was regularly confused about The Nation and the National Review. I knew one was a William F. Buckley conservative magazine and the other was more liberal and less dogmatic. Well, I finally straightened this confusion out by dating a young woman who worked at the National Review, thus relating The National Review with an over-heated studio apartment and a yeast infection; I also subscribed to The Nation and have been a fairly loyal reader for years.

This morning I pulled up an article from the National Review via the Daily Kos and without reading a single word I knew that it would be ideologically driven and probably not based firmly in reality … I was right! What I didn’t expect is that it would be so funny (although much of the humor came from the Daily Kos responding to the absurdity of the National Review).

Here the link to the article in the Daily Kos. I’ll use their selective list taken from the twenty movies that The National Review believes “effectively destroyed art” and included the humorous responses made by Hunter at the Kos. For the full list, head on over to The National Review (it’s under the bubble).

#20     Lincoln (2012)—Spielberg succumbs to Tony Kushner’s limousine-liberal cynicism to valorize Obama-era political chicanery.

Sorry, Steven Spielberg. You’ve destroyed art. Furthermore, you’ve destroyed art by being cynical about the Civil War, which is a no-no, and by believing the liberal spin that the slaves were not, in fact, freed by a time-traveling Ronald Reagan but by complex wartime political goings-on that featured no talking horses or F-16 fighters.

#16     The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)—Ass-kicking espionage disparaged American foreign policy while making money off it.

When your film criticism checklist includes can goofy film be perceived as disparaging American foreign policy you should be reviewing films for the CIA, not National Review. The unstated problem, of course, is that the film presumably disparaged the wrong foreign policy, since a film that disparaged a perceived Obama foreign policy would be awarded the Palme d’Souza, or whatever it is they give the “Good” films.

#13     Slumdog Millionaire (2008)—an Oscar-winning tale of game-show greed as an answer to systemic poverty.

The real answer to systemic poverty is, of course, tax cuts.

#11     Precious (2009) coincided with Obama’s first year in office to revive racial condescension with the audacity of nope.

We could make fun of that sentence if it made any sense at all, but the author’s incomprehensibility has foiled us.

#9     Knocked Up (2007)—Judd Apatow’s comedy of bad manners attacked maturity and propriety.

And it didn’t even have Adam Sandler in it. This seems a bit haphazard of a list, and I wonder how many of these movies could be claimed to have any impact on the national consciousness at all, much less were capable of destroying art and social unity. I don’t think anything that finds its way into a Wal-Mart discount bin can really destroy very much at all.

#8     Frost/Nixon (2008)—Political vengeance disguised as a dual biopic that prized showbiz egotism over conflicted public service.

Stop talking about that stuff Nixon did that caused national cynicism and put more than a few scars on “social unity” itself. He was “conflicted,” damn it.

#5     Wall-E (2008)—Nihilism made cute for children of all ages who know nothing about cultural history or how to sustain it.

If Wall-E makes it into the future canon of nihilism I, for one, will be very surprised. I was under the impression conservatives despised it for having an environmental message about how maybe turning the planet into an unsurvivable hellhole would have an eventual downside; here we learn the true flaw in the animated flick was that it did not sufficiently teach our children to sustain our cultural history. Whatever that means. We may need a contest in comments to see who among us can pick out what our film critic thinks he is talking about on this one.

#4     12 Years a Slave (2013) distorted the history of slavery while encouraging and continuing Hollywood’s malign neglect of slavery’s contemporary impact.

I’ll give him that one. By insufficiently explaining that some enslaved black Americans were quite happy and content, this anti-slavery movie destroyed art and our social unity by telling the actual true story of an actual slave as told in his actual memoirs. And the cry went up: Unskew slavery!

#2     The Dark Knight (2008) used the Batman myth to undermine heroism, overturn social mores, and embrace anarchy.

The Batman myth to film critic: You know nothing of my work.

And that leads us to the number one movie that Destroyed Art, Social Unity and Spiritual Confidence. It would have to be a George Clooney film, because everyone knows that George Clooney is the most devious and dangerous and damaging liberal Hollywood has ever produced, but putting this one at the top of the list may be a bit too nail-on-the-head, if you ask me.

#1     Good Night and Good Luck (2005)—George Clooney, president of the corrupt canon, directed and acted in a dishonest fantasy biopic of TV-news icon Edward R. Murrow to revive blacklist lore as part of a liberal agenda.

Reviving blacklist lore is part of the scheming liberal agenda, says the National Review writer in a piece that has condemned a list of 20 movies for their insufficient ideological purity and who has declared in the very first bit of that sentence that a certain actor is “president” of the Hollywood contingent that is “corrupting” us.

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