Stripper Poles In Schools

It is common knowledge that the installation of stripper poles in first grade classrooms is a nefarious plot to undermine the morals of our dear children. Oh, I admit that in some neighborhoods the stripper pole might be considered an education aide, but not in my neighborhood.

Please sign the petition I am circulating as the cornerstone of my candidacy. If elected I will personally rip all stripper poles from the sanctity of the classroom and guarantee that little Muffy and Blaine will no longer be influenced by the dark side. In some parts of the country they are even transporting our precious children in party buses complete with stripper poles and bordello lighting. Oh, they say it’s because of a dire shortage of school buses, but we know different.

Remember, Critical Stripper Theory (CST) is a communist subversion designed to adapt our young treasures to a lifetime of attention to sex and shiny objects.

If you haven’t got time to protest stripper poles in schools, perhaps a few of the suggested books from October may pique your interest.

10-01-21 – Floating in a Most Peculiar Way: A Memoir — Louis Chude-Sokei
10-02-21 – Sampson Agonistes — John Milton
10-03-21 – Valley of the Dolls — Jacqueline Susann
10-04-21 – Writers and Lovers: A Novel — Lily King
10-05-21 – Bosnian Chronicle — Ivo Andric
10-06-21 – The Cold Millions — Jess Walter
10-07-21 – Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe — Benjamin Alire Sáenz
10-08-21 – The Hearing Trumpet — Leonora Carrington
10-09-21 – Evolution: The Triumph of an Idea — Carl Zimmer
10-10-21 – Hippie Hippie Shake — Richard Neville
10-11-21 – The Angel of the West Window — Gustav Meyrink
10-12-21 – Christine Falls — Benjamin Black
10-13-21 – The Forger’s Daughter — Bradford Morrow
10-14-21 – A Very, Very Bad Thing — Jeffrey Self
10-15-21 – Night Boat To Tangier — Kevin Barry
10-16-21 – Zorrie — Laird Hunt
10-17-21 – Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar — Thomas Cathcart
10-18-21 – Why Does the World Exist?: An Existential Detective Story — Jim Holt
10-19-21 – Girl A — Abigail Dean
10-20-21 – The Body: A Guide for Occupants — Bill Byson
10-21-21 – A Swim in a Pond in the Rain — George Saunders
10-22-21 – The Revolution According to Raymundo Mata — Gina Apostol
10-23-21 – Lanark: A Life In Four Books (Canons Book 1) — Alasdair Gray
10-24-21 – Marshlands — André Gide
10-25-21 – Black No More — George S. Schuyler
10-26-21 – Luster — Raven Leilani
10-27-21 – Just Kids From the Bronx — Arlene Alda
10-28-21 – Home Body — Rupi Kaur
10-29-21 – Hotel Lautréamont: Poems — John Ashbery
10-30-21 – The Awakening of Malcolm X — Ilyasah Shabazz
10-31-21 – Sweet Tooth — Ian McEwan

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