Books for the Well-Read Ancient Toddler

When I first went to school I rocked a Big Chief tablet with light-blue lines spaced an inch or two apart and a thick green pencil with an indestructible lead. Home was plywood housing designed for migrant tomato pickers that originally housed the onslaught of temporary workers the war industry demanded and now functioned as married students’ housing for the local State College. We didn’t have a car; we didn’t have a television; we didn’t have a bathtub; but we had a radio and we had a library card.

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Stripper Poles In Schools

It is common knowledge that the installation of stripper poles in first grade classrooms is a nefarious plot to undermine the morals of our dear children. Oh, I admit that in some neighborhoods the stripper pole might be considered an education aide, but not in my neighborhood.

Please sign the petition I am circulating as the cornerstone of my candidacy. If elected I will personally rip all stripper poles from the sanctity of the classroom and guarantee that little Muffy and Blaine will no longer be influenced by the dark side. In some parts of the country they are even transporting our precious children in party buses complete with stripper poles and bordello lighting. Oh, they say it’s because of a dire shortage of school buses, but we know different.

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My Dog Pythagoras

The college majors offering the best return on investment are, according to CNBC and Michelle Fox, degrees majoring in STEM fields. For those of us more acquainted with a field of golden daffodils, STEM is an acronym for Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. Now I have to confess that I scored considerably higher on the math portion of the SATs than on the English, and, possibly due to a lifetime of allergies, I’m not especially fond of flowers (I like sedge). Even so, I graduated from college with a major in English, a minor in Comparative Literature, went on to graduate school studying Restoration Drama, and parlayed all this into a successful career as a communication specialist in a highly technical industry, and read good books on my lunch hour.

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