When imaginative humor is both funny and sad

I live in South Carolina (and was born in North Carolina), but as usual, The Onion has translated an observation of the absurdity of this state into an equally absurd fiction about this state:  they’re both funny and sad at the same time.

South Carolina Defends Right To Fly Hardee’s Flag From State Capitol
NEWS • News • ISSUE 49•14 • Apr 1, 2013

COLUMBIA, SC—Faced with mounting pressure from critics who say it sends the wrong message about the state, residents of South Carolina have mounted a vociferous defense of their right to fly the Hardee’s flag from the top of their capitol building, reports confirmed Thursday.

According to many South Carolinians, the flag, which prominently features a single smiling star and the phrase “Hardee’s Charbroiled Thickburgers,” signifies an important part of their cultural legacy, and many have expressed anger over demands that legislators remove it from public display.

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It’s Clear to Me

YouTube is like the great Labyrinth on Crete, you enter with optimism but it doesn’t take long and you are in danger of never escaping. Today I followed a link to a link to a link to dozens of George W. Bush videos on YouTube and I have only one thing to say:  what an embarrassing jerk.

But that is not why I originally went to YouTube and I offer this entertaining video to make a subtle point:

What Do You Do?

The AHA is running a poll asking people what they do during the Pledge of Allegiance. The options they allow are:

  • Stay seated
  • Stand quietly
  • Stand and recite but leave out the “under god” part
  • Stand and recite including “under god.”

There was also a roll-your-own option but even as I started to answer the poll, I realized the story was too big for a poll response and decided to answer it here.

First, I am one of those people that learned the Pledge before the Knights of Columbus and the red baiters insisted on the additional phrase being inserted. I still remember one day in school when the teacher instructed us that there had been a change to the pledge and we now had to say “under God.” Probably because the pledge was not written but recited from memory, I had a terrible time remembering just where those new words should go and I made so many mistakes that I started to mumble the words to cover up my confusion.

Looking back on it now, we as kids were required to recite several pledges, some that didn’t even involve Grover Norquist. It wasn’t until years later that I realized the insidious indoctrination that defined most of those pledges. Today I would no more embrace a pledge than I would stick my head in a cryogenic vat:  both would be detrimental to my own independent thought.

So what do I do when it comes time for the Pledge of Allegiance? Well, first I tend not to be present when pledges such as that are expected, but if I slip up and find myself at a Lion’s Club breakfast because a neighbor drug me out, I do not stand and do not recite. Actually, the not standing is because I’m partially disabled and getting up out of a chair is a difficult process. If I could, I would stand, but would not recite. I would stand because I do acknowledge my country and have my own thoughts and feelings about the United States. However, to me a pledge is the same as saying “my country right or wrong.”

Not only is the thought of blind patriotism abhorrent, but it is possibly one of the major detractors from the ability of this country to progress and even survive.

There is also a major problem with those inserted words, “under God.” We could spend a lot of time on this one but suffice it to say that associating the nation with a god is not only wrong, it’s unconstitutional (not an argument I make too often but the conservatives seem to love it). I don’t know about you, but I secretly assume that the “god” being referenced is not the christian god and envision a large stone idol on a primitive Pacific island.

So I sit quietly and respectfully; I don’t chomp on a taco or slurp my soup; I don’t call attention to myself; I don’t acknowledge a supreme being; I don’t mix up church and state; and I don’t recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

What do you do?