Even if you are on friendly terms with your own weird shit, you should still take the poop quiz over at WebMD.
I was reading Juan Goytisolo and he went off on a tangent arguing that God and Mary and all those other divine personages didn’t, despite Taro Gomi’s position, poop. Several proofs of this interesting anomaly were presented and I think they will be valuable to contemplate.
The analogy to plants and trees was put forth first: since living things like trees don’t poop then it isn’t difficult to accept that the divine ones might have a metabolism that completely processes every bit of the food they ingested (Jesus and Mary were shown to eat food in the Bible, remember) and therefore have nothing to poop. I wonder what Joseph thought about this: pregnant but still a virgin; a nice casserole for dinner and no poop to follow?
Another proof took the form of self-evident logic: the Devil is associated with nasty, stinky things, therefore Jesus and the Angels could not poop because that would be nasty and smelly and God left those conditions to Satan. This is somewhat akin to several playful episodes where Socrates gleefully confused the people around him: I remember in college the professor intoning, Is the pious man pious because he does pious deeds or is the man pious and therefore does deeds that are pious? To poop or not to poop …
It was also pointed out that the sacred statues of Saints and other religious types always represented slim people without any evidence of junk in the trunk. It’s obvious: big butts are only needed on people who poop; Saints and Angels would have no use for a big butt since they don’t poop.
Now my favorite proof is actually two proofs. First, since there has never been any evidence of divine poop found in the history of the world, then it is obvious that god and the other divine types didn’t poop. The second part of the argument is that since man is an avid collector of religious artifacts, it stands to reason that any poop or other substance, liquid or solid, that came from a divine person like Jesus or Mary would be carefully preserved in the collections of religious institutions and rich men throughout the world. But since there is no display of divine poop at the Vatican it is again obvious that God and the other divine ones didn’t poop.
I’m not clear on this issue: it seems to me that if God made man in His imagine and if God didn’t poop, then what gave Him the idea of including the ability to poop? A sense of humor? Does the Pope poop?
(This discussion, written a lot better than my post, is early on in the third volume of Goytisolo’s trilogy, Juan the Landless … John Lackland?)