FEllatio 2 – 0880

Was it called Channel 100?

I had been living far away from my ancestral three-bedroom ranch for several years but flew home to bathe in the sunshine and marvel at my Father’s new 21 inch color television console. But the real magic was a small set-top box that offered access to a select few near-first-run movies. Soon I was staying up late relaxing in Dad’s Barcalounger watching R-rated movies they just didn’t show on broadcast TV in New Jersey.

One I remember was a frightening flick with a Zackerle style crypt keeper and a spinning metal ball flying around with its fangs akimbo. It was satisfactory gore but when I rewatched the movie years later, it was just silly. I probably watched at least six movies, but the one I remember best was a little horror-fest called Black Christmas.

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What’s scarier than a shark?

sharks_with_frickin_laser_beams_attached_postcard-p239174773458964175baanr_400We all do it. There’s a rotten, putrid smell of something on your finger and you just can’t stop sniffing it; you’ve got a loose tooth and you can’t stop wiggling it with your tongue even though it hurts; there’s a fiery car accident on the 405 and you can’t stop looking at the mangled bodies; your next-door neighbor is skinny dipping in her pool and even though your binoculars are shaking, you can’t take your eyes off her tan lines. I remember the entire typing pool at work went to see Deep Throat on their lunch hour: were they porno fiends or was it just a cultural stink they couldn’t resist? Stop and think back; I’m sure you too have your own personal examples of such behavior.

Me? I subscribe to the cinematic theory that if you see something lethally frightening, unbelievable gross, utterly hopeless, or featuring sharks with lazar beams attached to their heads, you can face anything in your every-day life … at least it’s not the shark.

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